The System Isn’t Sacred

Yesterday I had to admit something I didn’t want to.

The Young Napoleon Project wasn’t going to become the project I had spent the last ten years imagining.

That was surprisingly hard to accept.

Not because the project was failing.

But because the picture I had carried in my head for a decade wasn’t real anymore.

For years I had envisioned every detail of this project. I had planned the action tracking, the scoreboards, the data collection, the documentation, and even redundancies for the redundancies because I wanted to capture everything. I wanted complete control over the process.

Then I finally launched the project.

And after six weeks of actually living it, I realized something I never could have learned while planning it.

It was too much.

Not because I wasn’t willing to work hard.

Because I had built a system that demanded so much attention that it was beginning to compete with the very life it was supposed to support.

Somewhere along the way, I realized I was spending so much time documenting the project…

that I wasn’t actually living it.

So I started removing things.

I eliminated redundant tracking.

I simplified my systems.

I stopped documenting the same information in multiple places.

Not because those things were bad ideas.

Because they were getting in the way of the things that mattered most.

They were taking time away from my writing.

They were taking time away from the fitness goals I had allowed to slip.

They were taking time away from being present with my family.

Making those changes should have been easy.

Instead, it felt like I was giving something up.

The strange thing about plans is that after we’ve lived with them long enough, they stop feeling like plans.

They start feeling like promises.

We convince ourselves that success isn’t simply reaching the destination.

Success becomes following the exact route we imagined.

That’s where we get ourselves into trouble.

We become so committed to the process that we forget why we created it in the first place.

Businesses can’t cling to outdated processes simply because they’re familiar.

Parents constantly adjust routines as their children grow.

Travel plans change.

Careers change.

Life changes.

The people who continue moving forward aren’t the ones who never change their plans.

They’re the ones willing to change them when reality demands it.

For a while, I thought abandoning parts of my original plan meant admitting I had been wrong.

Now I think the opposite.

Those ten years weren’t wasted.

They gave me the vision.

But once the project became real, reality became a better teacher than imagination.

The system was never the project.

The scoreboards weren’t the project.

The trackers weren’t the project.

The spreadsheets weren’t the project.

Those things were simply tools meant to help me become the person I wanted to become.

And when the tools stopped serving that purpose…

They needed to change.

Six weeks ago I started this project with what I believed was the perfect blueprint.

Less than two months later, much of that blueprint no longer exists.

The dream does.

I chose the project over the systems.

I chose writing over documenting.

I chose to make room for my health instead of protecting routines that were no longer helping me.

For ten years I thought protecting the blueprint meant protecting the dream.

I finally realized they aren’t the same thing.

The blueprint can change.

The dream doesn’t have to.

Continue the Journey:

If you enjoyed this article, you may also like:

A Life, Not a Collection of Parts

It’s easy to divide life into separate categories—work, family, health, hobbies—but the most fulfilling life isn’t built by keeping those pieces apart. It’s built by learning how they fit together.

I Finally Stopped Waiting to Feel Motivated

Waiting for motivation kept me standing still for years. Progress finally began when I stopped chasing the perfect feeling and simply started doing the work.

The Coach Can’t Do the Work

The right tools, the right systems, and the right coach can all help you move forward. But in the end, no one else can do the work that only you can do.

The Coach Can’t Do The Work

I am going to be starting a personal training program in the next week or so, and yesterday I had my first call with my trainer. Being honest, I was nervous. I had never worked with a personal trainer before, but the conversation was great and also a little unexpected. Instead of just talking about exercises and nutrition, we talked about my goals, the habits I want to build, the mental aspect of getting healthier, my history with weight, and what I hope to achieve in the future.

As exciting as the call was, and as motivated as I am to work with this trainer, I’m still the one who has to put in the work. That’s something I’ve struggled with my whole life when it comes to my health.

The trainer can write my workouts, answer my questions, help keep me accountable, and encourage me when I’m frustrated. But he can’t lift the weights for me. He can’t choose what I eat every day. He can’t walk the steps I need to walk. He can’t say no to the junk food or turn off the TV so I can go work out. He can be a guide, but I still have to choose to follow.

I’ve done it before. In what feels like a past life, I lost 170 pounds. I was determined. I was resilient. Then I wasn’t. Some of the weight came back, and with it came frustration and disappointment.

Since then, I’ve read books about motivation and discipline. I’ve listened to podcasts. I’ve watched countless videos. I know what it takes to get back to where I want to be.

Information has never been the problem.

Turning that information into action has.

Often we think success comes from the tools we use along the way. The right pen or computer will help us write more. The right planner will keep us organized. The right app will keep us on task. Maybe the right coach will finally help us reach our goals.

Those things absolutely help.

They make the path clearer.

But they can’t walk it for us.

This project has never been about finally discovering the secret that erased years of failure. There isn’t one.

The progress I’ve made has come from doing the work day after day. From refusing to quit when things got hard. From not accepting defeat when I fell behind. From allowing the process to evolve instead of abandoning it because I was too stubborn to change.

The tools I’ve chosen have helped me get this far, but they aren’t the reason I’m here.

This trainer will be no different.

He gets to be on my team. He gets to challenge me, encourage me, and help me decide what I need to do to reach my goals.

But I still have to do the work.

The tools you use can help you write. They can help you stay organized. They can help you stay on task.

But if you don’t do the work, the tools can’t do it for you.

A coach, a trainer, or an accountability partner can all cheer you on. They can believe in you, even on the days you don’t believe in yourself.

But when it’s time to do the work…

You’re the one who has to do it.

And when you do, you’ll have something no one can ever take away from you:

The satisfaction of knowing you earned it.

Continue the Journey:

If you enjoyed this article, you may also like:

  • I Finally Stopped Waiting to Feel Motivated
    Motivation may get you started, but lasting change comes from taking action even when you don’t feel like it.
  • Stay in the Game
    Progress belongs to those who refuse to quit. Once you’ve committed to the journey, the work still has to be done one day at a time.
  • Every Opportunity Begins With Risk
    Hiring a coach, starting a new program, or chasing a goal all begin with uncertainty. The next step is doing the work that turns opportunity into progress.

Stay In The Game

Last night was poker night with the Papa Pandas. Ten of us showed up for a Texas Hold ‘Em tournament. On the opening hand I made two pair and won a large pot. Then I didn’t win another hand for a very long time.

Eventually the table had dwindled down to four players, and my dwindling stack was the smallest of them all. If you had taken a poll around the table, I probably wouldn’t have been the favorite to come out on top.

But I stayed patient. I played my game, bet when I thought the odds were in my favor, and took it one hand at a time. I eliminated one player, then another, and eventually it was just me and the chip leader. I won a couple of smaller pots to even things up before catching an outside straight on the river and moving all in. He called with two pair, and I walked away the winner.

I didn’t win because I played every hand perfectly. I folded hands that would have become winners and played a few that I probably shouldn’t have. I won because I stayed patient and stayed in the game. The cards certainly helped, but they couldn’t have helped me if I had already given up.

It made me wonder about all the other things I’ve quit simply because I got behind. How many times have I stopped writing because the words wouldn’t come? Quit exercising because the scale didn’t move? Walked away from a sport because I wasn’t getting playing time? Given up because things simply became too hard? Not because I was destined to fail, but because success didn’t seem likely, and I mistook where I was for where I was going to finish.

Yesterday I wrote that seizing opportunity requires us to accept uncertainty before we can enjoy the reward. Today I’m realizing that’s only half the story.

Sometimes taking the risk isn’t enough. Sometimes the reward only comes because we stay around long enough for it to arrive.

If you quit trying to lose weight every time the scale goes up or refuses to move, you’ll never reach your goal.

If you abandon every project because the results aren’t immediate, you’ll never finish anything meaningful.

If you give up on every dream because reality doesn’t match the picture in your head, you’ll never become the person you hoped to be.

It won’t be because you weren’t talented enough or capable of working hard enough. It’ll be because you didn’t give yourself—or your dream—the time it needed.

Last night I happened to win the poker tournament. But that’s not what I’ll remember.

I’ll remember looking down at the smallest stack at the table and realizing that as long as I still had chips in front of me, the story wasn’t over.

Sometimes the only thing you can do is stay in the game long enough to find out how the story ends.

Continue the Journey:

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The Myth Of Falling Behind

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m falling behind.

It’s that voice in the back of my head that whispers I’m not doing enough. The one that tells me if I just hit that all-too-comfortable reset button, I’d somehow find a way to do more.

The thing is…

I’m doing more now than I ever have before.

I’ve published a blog post for thirty-nine consecutive days, taken nearly half a million steps, been reading consistently, and spent meaningful time with my family, all while building this project in a way I’ve never been able to sustain before.

So what exactly am I behind on?

Well, I could make a list pretty easily.

I’m not working out as much as I hoped I would.

While the blog is thriving, the structure behind The Young Napoleon Project still feels unfinished.

I’m not spending as much time writing my book as I imagined.

There are always projects around the house waiting for attention.

And the list keeps growing.

Most nights I feel like I’m scrambling just to catch up before it’s time to go to bed.

So why do I feel so behind?

While researching the idea of falling behind, I came across an article from Verywell Mind about the psychology of feeling behind in life. One idea that resonated with me was that we often compare our present reality to an imagined timeline of where we think we “should” be. That struck me because I realized I wasn’t measuring my progress against where I started—I was measuring it against an ever-expanding vision of where I wanted to go.

Because the further I get into this project…

The bigger the project becomes.

At first, the goals were simple.

Get healthier.

Become more organized.

Be a better husband.

Be a better father.

Launch the blog.

But then the vision expanded.

Now I’m trying to write a novel.

Figure out how to grow the blog.

Build a social media presence.

Coach Little League again.

Volunteer at church.

Follow another San Diego State basketball season.

Every time I accomplish something, I discover something else worth pursuing.

Then I realized…

That’s not a project problem.

That’s a life problem.

There’s always another bill to pay.

Another room to organize.

Another home project.

Another responsibility at work.

Another dream waiting just beyond the one you finally achieved.

It’s something I explored in There Is Always One More Thing. The responsibilities never really disappear—they simply change shape as life moves forward.

The finish line doesn’t get closer.

It keeps moving.

Or maybe…

There was never a finish line at all.

Every night I go to bed carrying two thoughts that seem to contradict each other.

One says:

“I’m proud of what I accomplished today.”

The other whispers:

“You’re falling further behind.”

Maybe the lesson is that both feelings can exist at the same time.

I can be proud of the progress I’ve made while recognizing there is still more I want to do. It’s a realization that builds on A Masterpiece and a Work in Progress. We don’t have to choose between celebrating who we are today and continuing to grow into who we’re becoming.

I can celebrate today’s victories without pretending tomorrow won’t bring new responsibilities.

I’ll never finish everything.

I’ll probably never have an empty to-do list.

But that doesn’t mean I’m behind.

It simply means I’m living a life that’s still growing.

And maybe that’s exactly what The Young Napoleon Project was always supposed to be.

It was never meant to end.

It was never meant to become a completed checklist.

Like I wrote in A Life, Not a Collection of Parts, the project isn’t meant to consume my life. It’s meant to grow alongside it.

It was meant to be a lifelong pursuit of becoming healthier, wiser, more disciplined, more present, and more intentional.

I also came across an article from Big Think discussing the Japanese philosophy of Kaizen, or continuous improvement. One idea that resonated with me was that meaningful growth isn’t about reaching a final destination—it’s about committing to getting a little better over time. That feels much closer to what I want The Young Napoleon Project to become than a checklist I someday get to cross off.

Because if one day I truly became “caught up”…

There would be nothing left to dream about.

Nothing left to learn.

Nothing left to become.

When I really think about it, I still have weight to lose.

Books to write.

Projects to finish.

Habits to build.

Places to explore.

Memories to make with my family.

And I hope that list never disappears.

Because maybe I’m not falling behind at all.

Maybe I’m simply living in the messy middle.

And maybe that’s where all meaningful lives are lived.

Continue the Journey

Further Reading:

Verywell Mind — “How Do I Stop Feeling Like I’m Behind in Life?”

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-do-i-stop-feeling-like-im-behind-in-life-11729611

Big Think — “Kaizen: The Japanese Philosophy of Enduring Growth”

https://bigthink.com/smart-skills/kaizen-enduring-growth/

A Life, Not A Collection Of Parts

Yesterday I got home from work and it was obvious that Brooks was tired. He had spent the day swimming with his cousins and didn’t have much left in the tank. I got changed, we sat down to dinner, and afterward, instead of diving into my usual evening routine, we decided to have a family movie night.

The work was still there.

The dishes.

The writing.

The project.

The chores.

They could all wait for two hours.

Instead, it was Trolls 3 and taking turns with kids in my lap as we watched, danced, and sang along with the movie.

To say that I wasn’t thinking about this project during the movie would be a lie. I’m always thinking about what I could be doing next. But for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like I should have been doing something else. I didn’t feel guilty for sitting there. I didn’t feel like I was falling behind.

That’s different than it has been in the past.

During previous attempts to launch this project, every minute I wasn’t moving it forward felt like a minute I had wasted. The project slowly began to consume my life.

This time, I’ve realized something different.

The project needs to be integrated into my life, not consume my life.

In researching the idea of integration, I came across a Forbes article about how work-life integration being different than work-life balance. Rather than trying to divide life into perfectly equal compartments, the article argued for building a life where the different parts support one another. That stuck with me because I am not trying to choose between this project and my family—I am learning that the goal of this project is to make me better for my family. 

A few days ago I wrote There Is Always One More Thing, where I realized that the work is never really finished. Looking back, I think this is the next step in that lesson. If the work is never going to end, then I have to learn how to live while it’s still unfinished.

Because the purpose of this project was never to become someone who only works on the project.

The purpose is to become a healthier, happier, and more present husband, father, writer, and man.

Sometimes that means sitting on the couch with my boys, laughing through Trolls 3.

I’ve always tried to separate my life into categories: Family. Health. Marriage. Career. Writing. And I still think there’s value in that. Work should stay at work. Family time should be protected. You and your spouse need time together. It’s even how I built The Young Napoleon Project, dividing it into different departments that reflect the major areas of my life.

But that doesn’t mean those parts exist in isolation.

They overlap.

They influence one another.

Becoming healthier gives me more energy to be present with my family. Writing helps me think more clearly. A strong marriage makes me a better father. Spending time with my boys reminds me why I’m working so hard in the first place.

They’re not competing priorities.

They’re different pieces of the same life I’m trying to build.

That realization also reminded me of Adventure Is Closer Than You Think. The goal of that day wasn’t simply to visit Cabrillo National Monument. It was to spend meaningful time together as a family. The adventure wasn’t separate from the project—it was part of it all along.

My writing matters.

My health matters.

My marriage matters.

My boys matter.

None of those priorities are competing for my attention.

They’re all reasons I started this project in the first place.

While thinking about that, I also read an article from Becoming Minimalist about living intentionally. One of the ideas that stood out to me was that intentional living isn’t about doing more—it’s about making sure the things that matter most actually receive our attention. That felt like a good reminder that building a better life isn’t about perfectly balancing every responsibility each day. It’s about choosing to invest your time in the people and pursuits that align with the life you’re trying to create.

We only get twenty-four hours in a day, so naturally some days will lean more heavily toward work. Other days might be focused on family, health, or writing. The goal isn’t to give every part of your life equal time every single day. The goal is to make sure none of the parts that matter most are neglected for too long.

That doesn’t mean every day will feel perfectly balanced. As I wrote in I Finally Stopped Waiting to Feel Motivated, some days require discipline simply to keep moving forward. Other days require the discipline to recognize that your family deserves your full attention. Both are important.

Life isn’t lived in perfectly balanced twenty-four-hour blocks.

It’s lived in seasons.

Sometimes those seasons last a day.

Sometimes they last much longer.

When the movie ended, I still got my work done around the house. I put Brooks to bed. While Jillian went for a walk, I got ready for today. Then I sat down and worked on Beneath The Silt before finishing the night watching a show with Jillian.

Everything that mattered got some of my time.

Not equally.

But intentionally.

And that’s enough.

Because sometimes the most important work isn’t sitting at your desk.

Sometimes it’s sitting on the couch with your kids, laughing at Trolls 3 for the twelfth time.

That’s something I hope Brooks and Joseph remember long after they forget which movie we watched, just like I wrote in Why Ordinary Days Matter More Than Big Moments. The ordinary evenings are often the ones that quietly become the memories that last.

The Young Napoleon Project isn’t about building a better project.

It’s about building a better life.

Continue the Journey:

Further Reading:

Forbes — “Work-Life Integration Could Soon Replace Work-Life Balance”


https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesbooksauthors/2023/11/27/worklife-integration-could-soon-replace-worklife-balance/

Becoming Minimalist — “Living Intentionally”

https://www.becomingminimalist.com/living-intentionally/

There Is Always One More Thing

Yesterday was a long day.

By the time five o’clock rolled around, I was tired, cranky, and ready to be home. On the way home I had to stop at the bank, then swing by my parents’ house because the tire pressure light had come on in the car and my dad has an air compressor.

By the time I finally walked through the front door, dinner was already on the table.

I didn’t get the chance to change clothes.

I didn’t get a chance to decompress.

I just walked straight from the car to the dinner table.

The kids weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary.

I was.

I was tired.

Sensitive to every noise.

Already frustrated before anything had actually gone wrong.

Before dinner I had promised the boys that we’d go for a walk around the neighborhood afterward, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.

You could hear it in my voice as we walked out the door.

I didn’t want to go.

And before long…

Neither did the kids.

The walk was stressful. The boys weren’t listening. Joseph was all over the place, keeping me on edge every time we got close to the street. By the time we made it back home, I was completely drained.

Instead of doing what I needed to do, I collapsed into my chair until it was time to put Brooks to bed.

I managed a smile.

An “I love you.”

A hug.

A goodnight.

Then I walked back into the kitchen and remembered everything that was still waiting for me.

The dishes.

Taking out the trash.

Getting ready for tomorrow.

The evening chores.

Brooks woke up twice after I put him down, and by the time everything finally settled, it was after nine o’clock.

I collapsed back into my chair and mindlessly scrolled social media until it was time for bed.

It was, without question, my worst night since starting this project.

A few days ago I wrote Some Days Ask More of Us Than We Expected. At the time I was talking about panic attacks and life’s unexpected challenges. Looking back, I realize some days don’t overwhelm us because of one major event. Sometimes it’s simply the weight of one small responsibility after another until there’s nothing left in the tank.

Why is it that there is always one more thing to do when you don’t have the energy to do anything at all?

Another bill.

Another dish to wash. 

Another load of laundry.

Another chore.

Another conversation.

Another decision.

It never really ends.

When we’re kids, life feels simple.

There’s school.

Maybe homework.

A baseball practice.

A game.

Then tomorrow starts over.

As adults, we’re never really finished.

Because there isn’t a finish line.

We think…

If I could just get caught up…

If I could just finish everything…

Then I’d finally be able to rest.

But adulthood doesn’t work that way.

The list doesn’t end.

It simply continues to grow.

While reflecting on that idea, I came across an essay from The Growth Canvas titled “Why You Feel Like Your Work Is Never Done.” One of the things that resonated with me was the reminder that the feeling of being behind often has less to do with the amount of work in front of us than the expectations we place on ourselves. There will always be another task waiting. The challenge isn’t eliminating the list—it’s learning not to let the list define our stopping point.

That realization reminded me of something I wrote in I Finally Stopped Waiting to Feel Motivated. I spent years believing there would eventually be a perfect day to do all the work. But more often than not, the work simply asks us to show up with whatever energy we have left and that work is never going to be finished.

Success isn’t crossing ever to do item off the list.

Success is deciding what matters most today, doing that, and giving yourself permission to leave the rest for tomorrow.

As I continued thinking about this, I also read an article from LifeAt titled “Why Catching Up Keeps You Stuck (and What Actually Helps).” It challenged the idea that one day we’ll finally get caught up and everything will feel under control. Instead, it argues that constantly chasing “caught up” can keep us from being fully present in the life we’re already living. That idea felt especially relevant after yesterday because I realized I wasn’t looking for a free evening—I was waiting for a life that doesn’t really exist.

That doesn’t mean the unfinished work defines you any more than one bad day defines your progress. I came to that realization while writing Your Body of Work Is Bigger Than One Bad Day. The list may remain unfinished, but that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It simply means you’re living a full life.

Some things get finished today.

Some tomorrow.

Some next week.

And some…

Never.

Tomorrow there will still be dishes.

Bills.

Laundry.

Blog posts to write.

Kids to raise.

The list will still be there.

And we have to be okay with that. 

Because life isn’t what happens after the list is finished.

Life is what happens while we’re slowly working our way through it.

Maybe that’s why The Reset Never Came. Not because I finally reached the end of the list, but because I stopped believing there ever would be one. Instead of waiting for life to become manageable before living it, I’m learning to build a meaningful life right in the middle of the unfinished work.

Continue the Journey:

If today’s article resonated with you, you might also enjoy:

Further Reading:

The Growth Canvas — “Why You Feel Like Your Work Is Never Done”

https://thegrowthcanvas.substack.com/p/why-you-feel-like-your-work-is-never

LifeAt — “Why Catching Up Keeps You Stuck (and What Actually Helps)”

https://newsletter.lifeat.io/p/why-catching-up-keeps-you-stuck-and-what-actually-helps