Papa Pandas

Two years ago, when Brooks started school, I went to the parent orientation meeting. They talked about ways for parents to get involved, such as the Foundation and the PTA.

Being an involved parent is important to me, so I considered joining one of those groups. But my sister, whose kids also attend the school, suggested something else.

“You should join the Papa Pandas.”

The Papa Pandas are a group of dads from the school who meet at a local restaurant on the third Thursday of every month for dinner and drinks. The group is responsible for a few events throughout the year, including movie night on the blacktop and the end-of-year dance, known as Panda Prom. They also host an annual dodgeball tournament against other schools’ dads groups and help out with projects around campus when teachers need an extra hand.

It sounded right up my alley.

So I showed up to that first meeting.

I was nervous walking in, but the group was incredibly welcoming. By the end of that first school year, I felt like I had found my place. Now another year has passed, and I’m still attending meetings, playing on the dodgeball team, and showing up for poker nights. The dads I met through the group have become good friends—people I see at school drop-off, school pick-up, and school events throughout the year.

In fact, I’ve become one of the dads trying to convince other fathers to come out and join us.

Our meeting for this month was last night.

Even though school is out for the summer, we still meet. Attendance is usually lighter this time of year, and only four dads showed up. But that was okay.

We talked about the send-off event we’re hosting next week for the dads whose kids are graduating out of the school. We discussed next month’s poker night and ways we could have a presence at this year’s parent orientation to recruit new members.

But most of the evening wasn’t spent talking about school.

It was spent talking about our glory days as kids, old action movies, the World Cup, the Padres, and our children’s sports teams.

We had dinner, shared a few drinks, laughed a lot, and eventually headed home.

As kids, making friends is easy.

You sit next to someone in kindergarten, play on the same baseball team, or live on the same street. Before you know it, you’ve spent years together.

Adulthood works differently.

College, careers, marriage, children, mortgages, and responsibilities all compete for our time. Those childhood friendships don’t necessarily disappear, but they change. Conversations become text messages. Hangouts become occasional dinners. Life gets busy.

Making new friends as an adult is even harder.

Most of us spend our weekends with our families and our weekdays at work. Opportunities to build new friendships become fewer and farther between.

That’s why groups like the Papa Pandas matter.

We have a standing night every month that’s already on the calendar. We have a common purpose that brings us together—our children and their school. We volunteer, plan events, and support the community around our kids.

But we also get something for ourselves.

We get a chance to spend time with other dads.

To have a drink.

To tell stories.

To talk about life.

To take our minds off responsibilities for a few hours.

That sense of community is important.

Honestly, I think every dad could benefit from having something like it.

When I started The Young Napoleon Project, I said it was a solo mission. Nobody knew about it and I was doing it on my own.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that’s not entirely true.

I’m the one doing the work.

I’m the one taking the walks, tracking the habits, and writing the blog posts.